god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I looked at my own cervix.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
