i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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