I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
