I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
