I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I need a beard to bite.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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