If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
