I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
