If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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