I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
