we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
