i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
