If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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