dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Well I just put wine in my tea
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
