I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
