In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
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