Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
