A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
