So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
