I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
