Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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