Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
You know, be my cock's hype man.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
