Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
