remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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