I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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