capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
she told me i tasted like america
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
