My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
