Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Why is there bacon in the couch?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
