if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I DEMAND FORESKIN
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
