I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
