with your own penis?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Semen is not good for contacts.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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