there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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