We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
