Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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