i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
