her vagine was all disorganized.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
The beer is more important than you right now.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
So I just went to clothing optional bar
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
