ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
My pussy is not your playground.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize