just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
