You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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