Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
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