There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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