its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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