some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Randomize
