Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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