She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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