you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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