It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
