So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
