oh god the rape fog is back!
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
