Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
