I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize