I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I need a beard to bite.
Randomize
