I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
