just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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