I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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