Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
