Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Just high enough for therapy.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
