I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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