Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize