Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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