$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
