i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
