Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
