Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
