Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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