My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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