Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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