so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
