blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
