Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
