I wish my penis had an off switch
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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