I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I don't want my vagina anymore.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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