That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
